Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
