I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
