I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
