I can tuck mytits in my pants
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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