i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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