I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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