im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
