At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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