I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
