so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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