once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
