Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
