Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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