but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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