Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
