giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
