listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
