its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
