New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
