I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
