90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize