The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
