Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
