Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
