If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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