he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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