I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
