If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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