Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
