if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
