Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
