I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
