My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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