i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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