i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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