So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
