woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
