this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
