she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
