You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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