I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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