I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
