week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
