He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
