Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
