I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
