why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
