I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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