Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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