sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
