The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
