dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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