maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think people are normalizing furries
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
