and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
