It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
