Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
