Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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