I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
