you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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