whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
