my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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