Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
