I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
