Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He has the fingertips of a God
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
