I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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