my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
