Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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